Why..!

Authors note: Emotions i felt quite some time ago. Time has passed and i have indeed moved on..but the power of such sudden emotions are still clear to me..


Why did you have me believe he'd be ok!
Why did you make me think he'd come home the next day.
Why did'nt i say Goodbye the last day of his life!
I told you to take his suffering away, but i did'nt mean for you to take him away. I did'nt know you would. I did'nt think you would.
I wanted to hear his voice again. You did'nt even give me the chance to hear him speak again. I wanted to make him laugh and smile, and even fight again.
I'm so mad at you..
I'm so terribly angry at what you've done.
WHY God! WHY!
I can't think straight, or even pray. Cuz each time i try, I end up fighting with you all over again.
I don't think its fair..though you're will says it is.
I think thats what makes me angrier.
...
I still needed him. WE Still needed him.
You made mom cry, and my sisters too.
She says she's just healing, but it feels like stabs to an open wound.
I'm so angry..
I'm so angry.
I'm so angry at you.
I'm writing this down because i find no other way to tell you without scaring half the neighborhood. I want to scream and yell and throw things around. I'd break down the house, the hood, the world if i could. I can't though. i just can't.. I know he would'nt want that. But its how i feel. How i think i could get the message through to everyone, that im NOT ok. not now anyways..maybe not for a long time.
I'm SO BLOODY Angry!
I could Yell it out Forever , but i bite my tounge instead.
I need you to know, it does'nt mean i don't love you, but im so mad.
Full of scorn, and resentment.
I can't hate you cuz i love you, but it makes it even worse. It makes me madder all the same.
My eyes burn from all those tears.
I have no voice from all that screaming.
I've had enough!
Just know this..
I'm angry at you
So angry..
And im tired od asking 'Why'
I want him back!
But you won't bring him back from his new home. I know you would'nt do that to him either.
I know you won't...
I'm angry.
I'm crying..
And i miss him so much..
I'm angry..I'm Angry
...I'm so angry it hurts..
Please....please make it stop...

Pocas palabras..decir mucho

No fue un hombre de muchas palabras. Hasta mi madre me lo ha confirmado. Siempre fue directo y bastante franca en su expresión verbal y era poco común de él adornar con palabrerías. Pero cada vez que abría la boca para hablar y su voz potente pero siempre gentil se escapaba de sus labios, el mundo se callaba. Con lo que decía era suficiente. Pudieron haber sido par de oraciones como unos simples palabras. Te dejaban pensando, aunque no lo quisiera… mejor dicho, especialmente cuando no querías. Sus palabras penetraban la mente, revolcando todo lo tradicional y cambiando el pensar vago y conformista en que uno esta acostumbrado. Si.. De eso era capaz. No eran palabras que te trataban de convencer por medio de discusión y discurso, sino eran de pura verdad. Hasta con sus silencios lograba hacerte contemplar su punto, haciéndote romperte le cabeza al tratar de averiguar su mensaje escondido.


Era difícil discutir con él. Por lo dicho, no hablaba si no era necesario y te podía hacer callar con esas pocas palabras que frustraban y agitaban al siempre contener la verdad. Era un hombre justo y firme, por lo tanto sus palabras solían ser igual. Y cuando me ponía terca y no quería escuchar esas verdades, simplemente me miraba fijamente, con esos ojos tan oscuros y profundos, hasta por fin captar mi atención. Con la misma paciencia repetía su pensar y te dejaba contemplarlo. A veces pasaban minutos antes que el volviera a hablar, pero no pasaba mucho tiempo mas después de esto que nos sacaba de tal estado de pensar. Le gustaba hacernos reír, y para finalizar esos momentos de “seriedad” siempre ofrecía un abrazo y esas pequeñas palabras de cariño y consuelo. Con esos brazos tan poderosos y grandes podía convertir toda la frustración y molestia previa en tranquilidad y ser un pequeño refugio por ese momento.


No fue un hombre de muchas palabras… Siempre humilde, siempre callado. Era un hombre más de acción. No hacia promesas que no podía cumplir, pero cumplía con mucho más de lo que prometía cuando actuaba. Con sus gestos, tan simples y sobrevisto por muchas personas, eran y son los mas que ocupaban mi mente al recordarlo.

Seré como él. Me tardaría toda una vida por perfeccionar su teoría de vida y manera de ser. Y tal vez nunca lo logre. Pero lo intentare.. Por que lo amaba, y aun lo amo. Lo extrañaré y lo recordaré en cada movimiento y pensar. Seré como el. Lo haré orgulloso. Ya veras..

imperfect angel

It isn’t about how you can change the world,
Its about how you changed mine.

It isn’t about how many lives you can touch,
Its about how the simplest of strokes and gestures,
Had the deepest of emotions erupted within me.

It isn’t about how strong one is by holding in tears.
Its about how true strength comes from the tears you let fall,
And how pure the feeling is.
It takes more than just bravery to do such things.
It is your pain as well as joy that you share with each tear and smile.

And oh how your smile can do more than just express.
Creating the spark of joy within another, no less.
But also giving strength to those who have non.
Making light as bright as our grand sun.

So gaze to the horizon,
Ignore your broken wings.
Perfect in your imperfection,
And beauty among all things.
Trapped in human reality,
My green eyed fallen angel..

A lil' reminder

Roses are black,

my bruises are blue.

Believe it or not,

they remind me of you.

Of the times we beat eachother up,

for no aparent cause.

Laughing our asses off,

and smiling with no pause.

In case you did'nt notice,

yes i still remember you.

Of the times we used to sing,

and jam with our babies too. (our guitars ^_~)

So if you have a little time,

or a spare moment to think.

Remember that i still care,

and would'nt let these memories sink.

Becuase even as time go by,

and things around us seem to fly.

I'll always slow down time and smile,

and sit back and remember for a while.

Knowing that deep down your my sis,

one that i've come to dearly miss.

So here it is,my reminder to you,

a little something you should think through.

To relive our memories,

is a way to keep hope.

That one day i'll see you,

till then you better not choke.

Hold ur chin up,

and give me a lil grin.

In the end,

you know we'll always win.

Even if we lose,

hoping is not a sin.

For in the end,

you'll always be my kin.