I’ve been away from home for about 13 days and even though that span of time may not seem like much to most, it has felt quite longer to me. I’m not Just away from home, but a very far way along from it. Its funny how a couple hundred miles can really put your heart in perspective on JUST how far from home you are. I believe the correct term would be named “homesick”. Its really got me thinking on some points. Strange though… on how thoughts can come and go but the feeling sticks around longer than you’d like. To have one understand I s’pose it could be compared to heartbreak or longing. See you think about that person or thing that gave you that warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach or that ache you don’t mind at all in your chest.. But with time the thoughts fade and you can’t seem to remember everything in full detail anymore, yet oddly enough, that feeling still remains. Well I guess it could be described like that. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen so many wonderful things. The world seems like such a big place.. So many people.. So many stories.. Beginnings and endings. Its fascinating really. But in the end, I suppose you cant even fool your heart when it really misses home. You try to think “ this is the opportunity of a bloody lifetime and your thinking about home?!” . Well you do.. You wish the people you’ve left behind had come as well thinking maybe it’d be a lil’ less pain in the ass and you’d at Least stop thinking about it. But eh… this is what I got. Jajaj. S’not like I regret coming, heck no. But its like that sayin’ “Home is where the heart is”. I once you used to believe that your family where the ones you’re stuck with. The ones tied to you by blood and bad luck. Jajaja or good luck of course. But recently in my life I’ve come to realize I have a much bigger family than I thought. The family you choose. The family I Chose. Sometimes I think I didn’t choose them at all. Sometimes I think they chose me. I was never the one who liked to be tied down by anything, much less anyone. But it seems like finally.. I have. And my chosen family is back on that unnoticed tiny island called Puerto Rico. Maybe not so unnoticed. Tourists seem to be quite fond of our beaches ^_~. Nah but I always thought of myself as the type that could leave some random morning and never hold regrets about doing so. You know like those aimless travelers that don’t really have a place to call home. The ones who just keep going and going and going… and eventually someday die in some random foreign country who everyone thinks your weird cuz you don’t look like any of ‘em. So they bury you in some unmarked grave because no one can answer for your body and you’re forgotten. Only earthworms and erosion appreciate your decayed corpse in the end. Jejej. Sounds depressing doesn’t it. But I thought it would have been cool. To be that person that saw it all and didn’t give a fuck about who ran into her wake. Just keeping moving on.. Going and going.. And going. Homesick?.. What’s that? Yeah..that’s what I’d say. But no.. No that’s not me anymore. I wonder if I’ll ever be like that again. I wonder when it was that I learned to love those people so dearly that it would make me sick to even play with the thought of leaving home. Love ? Does that have to do with it even ? Who knows.. But yes.. Im a lil homesick.. And being a hell of a lot over pensive. 13 days. 13’s my favorite number, did you know that? People say its bad luck but I always found it to be a charming number. jejej. They’re crazy you know.. The family that chose me. Every single one of them. Down to the last hair… crazy. But I’ve found that the crazier the better. The crazier they’ve become the more I’ve come to love them. They can drive me up the roof in an instant! All the same they can make me smile. I wonder who’s lookin out for who? I used to think it was me over them. God KNOws they need lookin after. They’re friggin insane! But again.. It would seem I’ve found myself being taken care of by them more than me taking care of ‘em. Recently anyways.. Why ? Fuck if I know. And what of the family I have by blood. Of course I love them. For them I’d die for, no questions asked. I wouldn’t even have to feel even slightly inclined to do so. I wouldn’t even think of doing otherwise if necessary. Its more of an instinct to do so than anything. Like its programmed into you or something. Some people say they don’t feel the same. Perhaps they’re feelings for their own families are different than mine. But even though I’d even die for them.. I don’t feel this attachment to them. I could be away for days and not have such a feeling. Perhaps its because I know we’ll they’ll always be. Perhaps because in the end, they’ll be my family weather they want to or not. Perhaps like me, I know they have such instincts as I do. As if it were demanded. Some unwritten law. I Do love my blood family.. But it’s the ones that I adopted I’ve come to finally appreciate. We’ve even been known to be separated for months at a time (some of them).. One time even a year. And all the same I can honestly I loved them all the same, if not more, when it came time to seeing them again. It’s a crazy way of being I know. I myself don’t fully understand it. Perhaps I’m behind when it comes to simple things like this. Things like affection and attachment. Actually I know I am.. Still ain’t very good at either jaja. But I think I’m getting somewhere. I have no idea where this’ll leave me. It’s a lil’ exciting. Not seeing the end of a path. Actually I’ve come to adopt that way of being too. Day by day… minute by minute. Forget planning, though of course it wouldn’t do any harm from time to time. Live what and when you can.. You never know when that moment might be your last. No regrets, but you better learn something too.. I have a bunch of old fortune cookie, Confusous, bullshit hidden in this fucked up head of mine, but I think that’s it for now.. God puts theses people in your path for a reason. He lets you make the choices you need to even though sometimes it means scraping your knees a lil. But in the end everything tends to come into place. But I wonder.. This family of mine, these friends I’ve come to so dearly love. I wonder.. What would lie in our wake now? What will lay at the end of this path? Are we all damned in the end anyways? Or is there an actual plan we may not Miss in the end. I wonder.. Oh how I wonder so much.. Too much. I should stop thinking.. We’ll start that process by stopping the Writing! Jejjej.. For now..
